Broken
by Dana Kishimoto
Summary: Setsuna's worst nightmare has come true. Setsuna P.O.V


*Edited* A/N: I realized how hilarious my old AN was so I decided to change it to change the mood around here. As usual I don't own Negima yet…

Broken

I always expected this would happen. I swore to myself that when this day came I would be perfectly fine with it but the problem is, I'm not okay and I feel pain like I never had before. I could face a whole horde of demons and come out all wounded and hurt but I will never cry tears of sadness that was the promise I made to myself when I promised to be her protector.

That was all I was a protector, a bodyguard I was really no one special. I knew when the time came I would have to leave her so she could be with the one she was destined to be with. I etched that into my mind on the very day I realized that I loved her. But things changed when I found out that she loved me too.

The dark world I used to live in was suddenly brighter before I knew it I was happier too. I never thought someone could make me feel this way for the first time in a long time I felt that I… mattered. I in my time with the demon tribe I used to call my home never felt that I deserved to be cared for to be loved but when I met her for the first time when we were kids she proved me wrong. That smile, that very first smile she showed me changed everything. Whenever I was done with my kendo training I couldn't wait to run to the Konoe estate just for her to say my name.

As we grew older I became more distant, I thought I was making the right decision. Protecting her well-being was my whole reason for existence and staying out of her way would have been the best way to defend her. But she was so persistent that I stayed close to her looking back at all of this that must have been the best decision she's ever made. Then, that destined trip Kyoto happened and we became friends again. I was happy just being your friend even though I wanted to be way more than that but I knew I would just scare you off so I tried to forget about it and be grateful just being around you. For the second time you proved me wrong again.

You loved me in a way I never thought possible. You made me see how beautiful life really is and how the world _did _matter. I was happy, no more than that I was in bliss. Whenever I saw your face or even just heard your name I would be lost in my own little world. There was something different inside of me that I could never put into words. I hated myself, I hated what I was but you never did you loved me just the same and you even called me beautiful and an angel.

Everything was perfect and I thought nothing could tear us apart but the whole damn world just hates me and can't let me be happy for too long. People started whispering and Konoka's grandfather was suspecting things. I could bear for her to be tormented because of what we were in. I don't know what possessed me to do this I thought her life would have been better off without me so I did the most painful thing I've done in my whole life and right now I can't even say it. I thought everything was going to be fine we were still going to be friends and once the whole thing cooled down I promised myself that I would ask her again but things didn't cool down. The rumours kept on going and I didn't know how to say that I've always loved her and I always will so I just kept silent for a while observing if you were ready to be with me again. Then you started treating me differently. It was driving me insane! I didn't know what I was going to do.

I knew something was wrong I knew she was uncomfortable with the chaste kisses I keep giving her. I knew she began to feel awkward around me. I tried to figure out what was wrong then… it hit me. I mustered up enough courage to ask her something serious "Do you like someone else now?" I never wanted to ask her this because I knew only I would get hurt in the end but after all the pain I've been through, would her answer have mattered? I could tell she didn't want to tell me but she did anyway.

She said she was in love with me _and _a guy she had met at an omiai. Fuck! I always hated those arranged marriages but I never thought I would hate it like this. In the omiai I noticed Konoka was smiling, laughing and she was having fun with the guy. I was silent for most of the time and she asked me to join them. I must have been such a third wheel. I told her I was okay with it but inside my heart shattered. I don't know why but the feeling was just so awful I almost couldn't bear it but I forced on a smile I didn't want her to worry about someone as worthless as me. I wouldn't blame her if she chose him over me and I couldn't hate him either he became a good friend to all of us. The guy had a nice personality and I have to admit he was funny and look at me… I'm a half-demon. I'm a worthless, pathetic excuse for a living creature. He would be able to give her the best and I would only give her more problems.

I pretended to be alright for the longest time and when I saw them together, I couldn't take it anymore! Right then and there I said goodbye to her and everyone that I came to care about. Then I did the most cowardly thing I've ever done in my life; I ran. I didn't care where I was running to but I couldn't care less just as long as I got away from there. Did Konoka chase after me? I couldn't tell, I didn't want to know but just to make sure, I flew away.

I went to her grandfather and told him that I couldn't be Konoka's protector anymore. She found someone else to love and that was when it was time for me to go. I wasn't needed anymore, I'd lost my purpose. After all was said and done I finally left the world I was just starting to know and most of all I left the two to be happy with each other. I went to my room to gather up as much of my belongings as possible. Before I could do I anything, I broke down. I cried, I pressed my face against the pillows and cried. It so bad I didn't know how I was going to recover from this but I didn't care and just cried.

I gave myself a moment to think about this. Was I really doing the right thing? Would she really be happier? But all that thinking didn't matter because I had already decided, I was leaving for good and that was my only goal.

One day she might forget me but I will never, for the rest of my life forget what's she has done for me. Everything could end but that still won't make me forget about her that beautiful, funny and amazing girl that I would do anything for. I would have wanted to stay by her side until the end but I knew I would only make it hard for the both of us. She would never know how much she really meant to me. The selfish side of me would have liked it if she continued loving me but I wanted her to whole-heartedly give her love to a person who she found deserving and I know that this is not me.

I didn't want her to hate me, that was the last thing I wanted to happen but I know she would despise me and everything about me until the day she would die. I wished I could've have told her one last time that I truly and honestly loved her from the bottom of my heart. She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I was stupid to let her go, that was the biggest mistake of my life and I regret it with each passing second. There are just some things words can't describe but I hope that one way or another she will understand how much I cared for her and that even though I might not be there physically I would always be thinking of her. And if and only if she wants me back which is highly unlikely then… And if ever that guy hurt her in any way possible I would return showing him exactly how a demon makes her revenge.

Until then I say goodbye to her with a letter filled with everything I have felt about her and a piece of my heart.

I Love You…

*Edited* A/N: So yeah that's all there is to it. Reviews/Suggestions are highly appreciated!

Dana-chan out~!


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